Status Report

I’m not really sure what to blog about these days.  Lately I’ve been coming to terms with feeling like I’m walking around with a blanket these days.

Feel like I’m on Prozac or something.  But all it is is work and trees.  I like what I’m doing, but this drug-awareness is bothersome.

I will do the best I can with what I’ve got.



Working with Pines, Appropriately Enough

Over the weekend, I worked at the Nature Preserve, to help them with their big money-making enterprise for the year–workshops in balsam wreath construction.  This requires some materials, most notably pussy willow stems and evergreen tips.  The pussy willow stems form the foundation circle and the evergreen tips come together in the stems.  (I’ll be learnign about this myself, to teach a class in Clinton, New York next week.)

I was not in the best of moods yesterday.  I had my reasons, and I can’t say they were all about my ego.  The Easer Outter of God inspiration did rule my roost in my dang head yesterday, however.  Sometimes when King Baby runs my show, all that happens is “I wish I was dead.”  These things together with the considerations of the thinned veils all around us combined with some other personal craziness in my life made me a bit insane.

It was as a relief that I spent 4 hours snipping the edges of evergreens–pines mostly, but cedars as well I think, and perhaps fir.  (Definitely no spruces.)  Pine is a happy tree to be around, and the scent of it gave me a lot of uplift.  It was still a deep place of ick, but I feel a lot better today.  Thank you pine!


OK, now for a Reboot

Though I didn’t really intend for it to be a period of mourning, I guess I had to put some space between Troy-Albany Tranceformations and myself, now that I’m living at the Shawangunk Nature Preserve in Cold Brook, New York and working as the Managing Editor for “The Utica Phoenix.”  It’s been a while since I’ve attended to any personal sorts of writing, other than an occasional musing piece for the paper.  So I’m turning my thoughts back to blogging right now.

I’ve had an adventurous time since relocating here on July 15th.  The three months prior to the move were themselves rather rocky, as I had discovered I had turned into an indentured servant and had to surrender to my reality as my codependent ego had attempted to construct the matters around me.  Truth be told, I see this as an ongoing character issue that will have to be continually vetted and discussed with trusted advisors, which is ironic considering that the issue is “Stand on your own hindpaws, Frostwolf!”

I moved into a room provided by a man in my church, and the less said about that particular arrangement the better.  Suffice it to say that the relationship ended in 3 difficult months, with the fellow basically informing me that he would be most happy if I left prior to the end of the time I had indicated I would leave, essentially letting me know “don’t let the door hit you on your way out.”

During that time, I went to the Rainbow Gathering in Tennessee, and I enjoyed myself immensely.  It reinforced for me a few things, not the least of which is the importance of sobriety and abstinence and sometimes to have the foresight to prepare in advance for difficulties.  Still, I enjoyed reading tarot cards for people and trying to screw up the courage to walk around naked in the woods.

(I saw lots of people do just that.)

I came back with some new resolve, and I didn’t really go back to live in Scroojheesville, staying instead with a friend and I went back and got my stuff out and went through it, and got rid of a lot more stuff, and moved on to Cold Brook.

These past three months have been a bit of a whirlwind, and I’m in a happy and grateful place in spite of everything.

But more to come.  I just want to get this one out there, and try to get reminders from friends to keep up the blog.  Maybe no one is paying attention right now.

I trust that will change, may I know God Herself’s Will for me.

Posting Under the Influence: Chamomile

First off, I notice her familiar sweet taste, but in chewing the flower, I also taste a metallic subtaste.  Today I feel warming, but I wonder if this will be true in other times of year?  I feel chamomile also to be a relaxant, drying herb. 

I always think of flowers and spring with this delicious one.  She puts me in mind particularly of the Taurus zodiac month.  I feel a sunny energy course through the veins.  A little like black walnut, I feel C. is dispersive, that she brings an airy quality to my thinking process.

Body parts I notice:  Attention is drawn to the upper chest, the internal area above the lungs but not quite to the shoulder bones.  The upper lungs may be so included, but it’s the entire region.  In keeping with the Taurus thematic, I’ll include the throat as well.  (Taurus rules the vocal chords and the voice.)

I have the sense that chamomile in terms of magickal practice could offer a potent assist in creating spellwork to draw funds to me based upon what I desire to do in the world.  Perhaps bathing a candle in essential oil or a teac, or burning the dried flowers in a cauldron while lighting either a gold or green candle to attract wealth.

Taurus also is a fertile sign, so I have a strong feeling that this de-lovely could also assist in procreation or libido issues in general.  I know that it’s got a reputation of being a calming herb, and I feel that the energy it kindles is of a quieter vintage than say ginger or cloves.  It puts me in mind of the Empress card from the tarot, which represents Venus (Taurus’s ruler).  Perhaps it’s more a focuser of energy or a grounding of it rather than calming in the strictest sense?

(Odd to feel dispersant energy while pondering whether it is a focuser of energy at the same time.)

 According to Scott Cunningha, chamomile is connected to the Sun and is also utilized to remove curses and to protect property.  (I also see confirmation as to the money/sexual aspects as well.  Gamblers evidently like to wash their hands in the herbal tea to increase their winnings.)

I shall have to try to burn it next.  Evidently, even though it is connected to the Sun, it is also tied to the element of water.  Both the Roman and the German chamomile are considered Masculine in Cunningham’s cosmology.  I actually did wish to call the herb “he” so perhaps I second-guessed myself there.  Interesting about that.

As I sit here with fingers poised for information, I become aware of the root chakra.  That it has dilated and is eager to receive terrestrial energy.  So it causes both an awareness of the uppermost torso and the perineal area in a circular movement as well as a slow back-and-forth undulation.

 Also aware of my sinuses, perhaps not in a good way.  Shall have to observe that more.

“Chewing Black Walnut Leaves” – Poem

Chewing Black Walnut Leaves

Tornado, you!  That did choose to earth
yourself.  Found yourself a goodly spot
after the whirlwind dance, and said
“This is where I’m going to land!”
And ZUT! You planted your roots down deep.

Tornadoes don’t play well with others
hence few other brethren can take
the changes you wrack in the dirt below.
Oya’ sees to it that inadvertent seeds
end up in her cemetery all right.

Still, you hold the potency of black
in all your being.  Protection and mystery
weave together and spin out breezes
in blood and breath and bone.  Oh heal
my weary soul, powerful friend…

Posting Under the Influence of … Black Walnut

As I begin this post, I am chewing a smattering of black walnut leaf and letting it speak to me.  I can sort of taste a “black” energy in it, one that grounds me and makes me think of decaying matter in the earth’s topsoil.

I have awareness of a whirring in my head, a mild sense of dislocation.  There is a sense of some coolness in my lungs that has just appeared as well.  Interesting because I have put in my materia medica that black walnut is warming and dry.  The dryness is certainly there, of course.  I definitely taste astringent under the bitterness.  Also a tang of the sour.

I have kept black walnut near to my computer for the past couple of days, along with a couple of other herbs.  (Rosemary, yellow dock, scullcap.)  The black walnut is the only one in a plastic bag however, the others in brown paper and therefore behind cover.  They exude a certain influence that does not rely on the visual, whereas black walnut leaf is “looking” at me as I sit at the Netbook and type.

I sense a witnessing that takes no sides in black walnut’s energy.  A curiosity, a perceptiveness without judgment.  If I were to give black walnut a Myers-Briggs test, I would assume it to be INTP.  Introverted, intuitive, thinking, perceptive.  A “Ravenclaw” sort of herb.

I know from lore that if one has had a heartbreak, that a bath with black walnut leaves will cleanse the aura of negative energy.  But it’s for extreme measures, when the love was so toxic that only something as powerful and long-lasting as black walnut could work.  It’s said that the bath will keep a person alone for 7 years.

That black feeling I had relates to protection.  I wrote in a monologue in my 20s about a guy who wore black, and he said “it keeps away all the vampires out there waiting to get into my system.”  I sense that black walnut also sends out a “don’t F with me energy,” but it’s quite subtle and packs a delayed punch. 

Black walnut… what would you have me know?  In your metallic, basic taste, what is the wisdom you wish to share?

The image of the Cosmic Tribe 8 of cups emerges.  In the Thoth deck, the 8 of cups relates to “debauch.”  In the C.T., it may have a similar theme, but the card shows 8 cups with a sickly green liquid pouring through them.  All of the cups have holes below, so the liquid flows through them.  I have of late taken the card to indicate releasing of toxins and letting go of poisonous and sickening and sickly crap.  It is a card of purification and releasing.  I don’t sense it is a vomit-maker.  I sense it release more through other processes that act closer to the source.

There is a creeping electric energy that starts in my shoulders and radiates down through my arms.  Down through my lungs as well.  I feel black walnut has an affinity with the element of Air, perhaps is an herb of the East.  Oya dancing a blustery rhumba on the ground under black walnuts branches.  Tornadoes perhaps?  Perhaps the tree is a sympathetic tornado of a sort, one created in wood and branch.

Could black walnut be vasodilatory?  Just a question.

My lungs have become the dominant body part as I sit in his juices.  I feel black walnut’s got a lot of masculine energy.  Perhaps yin-masculine.  I think it was Charles Eisenstein who noted that yin and yang describe a very different set of energies from masculine and feminine, and that when we think of the yang as masculine we’re only seeing one side of that.  Yang masculine is the penis, while yin masculine is in the testicle  Yin feminine is the ovary and the vulva, while the yang feminine is the process of giving birth.  (I paraphrase, but it’s an essay from the Daniel Pinchbeck 2012 anthology from Reality Sandwich essays.)

Black walnut is air, masculine, East, contemplative, dispersive, lung-emphasizing, sparking a desire to communicate spirit-based thought perhaps.  It has indicated an interest in assisting me with the screenplay I’ve started.  I honor his contributions.  I guess he’s also a 5th Chakra sort of herb.

My heart and lungs now feel a sort of peppery energy, that electric thing.  I guess if I was to think of a zodiac sign for black walnut it would be Aquarius.  Electric, airy, gets things stirred up.  Maybe there’s a bit of Capricorn though as well, because it’s much more grounded.  A Saturnine sort of Aquarius perhaps? 

Lungs and shoulder muscles emphasized right now.  These also indicate Gemini and Mercurial influences.  However, the Uranus-Saturn of Aquarius “tastes right.”

Just for today, this is what comes to me with black walnut.  I will follow up on this some time future.